"The tale of my blue suit"
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"I’d like to tell
you the tale of my blue pin-striped suit. Just before I went into the army I
managed to acquire a roll of suiting material - it fell off the back of a lorry,
I think - because
"Anyway, I joined the army and went off but
some time later I came back on leave, and marched up to the old front door
there, looking forward to getting me old pin-striped suit on again. Mother opened the door,
gave me a big kiss, and I walked into the living room
and sitting in an armchair was a fellow. He nodded to me and he was wearing my
blue pin-striped suit. So I said, ‘Who the bloody hell’s that?’ My Mum
said, ‘It’s your cousin George.’ And I said, ‘What’s he doing with my
pin-striped suit?’ She said, ‘Well, he’s on the run from the Navy. He
can’t go home because the military police would catch him, so he’s hiding out
here. I’ve had to give him your blue pin-striped suit to wear.’ He was on
gun-boats in the Channel and he’d had a bit of a rough time, he’d had
enough, and decided to do a run. So I thought, oh well, blah, blah, blah. We
went out for a few drinks, nothing to do with me, I thought.
"Anyway, at the end of the leave I went on back. My next leave was at the end of the war, I came back from Germany, got the old boat from Wilhelmshaven to Harwich, got home, knocked on the door, and the whole family was there, kisses and cuddles, stuck me kit in the corner, looking forward to having a few beers with the old man, went inside the living room and sitting in the same ruddy armchair was another fellow, a very fair-haired chap, and blimey, he had my blue pin-striped suit on. So I said to Mum, ‘Who the bloody hell’s this?’ She said, ‘It’s Kurt.’ I said, ‘Who the bloody hell’s Kurt?’ She said, ‘Well, he’s a German prisoner of war.’ I said, ‘Well, what’s he doing here wearing my bloody suit?’"
"It seemed that while my mother and sisters
were evacuated over Bury St. Edmunds way, Norfolk, there was a German prisoner
of war camp there, and this young fellow, he’d taken a shine to my sister and
she felt the same way and now peace had come you were allowed to take
home a German prisoner if you wanted to over Christmas, as long as you vouched
for them, so my Mum and Dad allowed this chap to come into the house. My Mum
said, ‘We couldn’t let him walk about in his patched prisoner of war
uniform, people were insulting him.’ So I said, ‘Well, it’s all very
bloody nice, you know. I’ve been fighting the bleeders all these years and now
he’s wearing my bloody suit.’ But he was a nice fellow and I had a good old
chat with him. It seems he was a navigator in a bomber shot down over this
country. Anyway, we decided to go out for a drink, so I said, ‘Well, I suppose
we’d better take Kurt so the old man said, ‘It’s going to be bit awkward
in the pub, everybody will be happy and joyful, and the last thing they want in
there is a bloody prisoner of war, a Jerry', so I said, ‘Well, I tell you what.
He can keep me suit on but I’ll spread the word that he’s a Dutch seaman.’
"So off we go to the pub, and the old
beer’s flying around, and I stood him in the corner, told him to keep his
mouth shut, and he was doing all right, knocking back the pints but, trouble
was, as we got a bit merry and started singing, he started singing a few bloody
German songs, and of course, people was turning round, looking at him. I
tried to make excuses for him, that he was a Dutchman, singing in Dutch. We got
away with it, but it was a bit of a laugh. I had to take him back after
Christmas and he had to put back his prisoner of war uniform, and I escorted him
to Liverpool Street station, it was murder. The civilian people were just
insulting him and spitting at him. I felt right choked about it. But anyway,
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